Marriage: A Husband’s Perspective
When I was younger, I had this book called “How Things Work.” I was fascinated with it. It showed how things like a computer, an industrial robot, rockets, power drills, planes, boats, and cars worked. To be honest, I liked it more for the pictures of everything taken apart so I could see how it worked, rather than reading about it. I wasn’t much into reading and would say I was more of a visual learner (maybe I was just a lazy kid, but you get the picture). I have always enjoyed knowing how things worked, so that when they didn't, I could fix them. Perhaps many guys can relate to this, as we tend to be fixers of things. This mentality comes in handy with things like our houses and cars, but not as much when we apply it to marriage.
Fixing things in a marriage when they don’t work takes more than logic and reasoning; it takes seeing the pictures that God gives us in the Bible and applying His perfect instruction for how to make a marriage work. After all, marriage is God’s design, so He is most qualified to write the instruction manual on it. Our last three blogs have been focused on marriage and establishing a proper framework and perspective. In light of these, here is a husband's perspective.
“The Spirit of God helps to lead me in decisions that affect my marriage and to bring the words of instruction to remembrance when I need to put them to use”
Allowing God’s word to be the director of my actions and thoughts, and to show me how things really work in life, has been a total game changer, especially in marriage. For me, this started the day I sat in a parking lot of a jewelry store, praying and asking God if I should purchase an engagement ring or not. As I’m crying out to God, asking if I should really go through with this, a verse I had read before came to mind in regard to marriage. I pulled up my Bible app and read 1 Corinthians 7:9:
But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
I knew God was speaking to me through that and letting me know I had a choice to make. I either followed His instruction to get married to this woman I loved and cared about and make it right in God’s eyes, or continue living the way we were, which was in sin. Once I decided to take that first step of faith in obedience to God’s word, I realized that I could trust His word to guide me throughout the rest of my marriage.
After the honeymoon phase, God used another couple of verses to help mature me in marriage and to help fix things when they weren’t working. Eph 4:26-27 says:
[26] Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: [27] Neither give place to the devil.
These verses have made a lasting impact on how I approach disagreements with my wife. I have purposed in my heart not to let anger lead me to sinning and also made it a point to be right with my wife before going to bed. By following these instructions, we have avoided many nights of pointless arguing, been able to reconcile much quicker, and not to mention we sleep way better. Thank God!
In the next chapter of Ephesians, husbands are given a key instruction for marriage. We are instructed to love our wives “. . . as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it (Eph 5:25).” We can see the type of love Jesus had when he gave himself for us, in Romans 5:8:
But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
This sacrificial love is exactly what our wives need, and when we decide to love them this way—even when it seems difficult to do so, the Lord blesses it and uses it to bring us closer together. To be honest, in times when my flesh has fought loving my wife the most, I have noticed the most positive results by dying to my flesh and just doing what God told me to do; love her! A little word of advice to the fellas: ask your wife how she feels loved in those times when you are at odds (e.g. hugs, kisses, listening to her), and then pray about it and put it to practice. It makes all the difference.
There are many more verses that I can go to for instruction, but in addition to knowing how marriage works, I also need the Holy Spirit and the church in order to help it all work together. The Spirit of God helps to lead me in decisions that affect my marriage and to bring the words of instruction to remembrance when I need to put them to use (John 14:26). It also convicts me when I’m making the wrong choices and need to change directions (like times when I should focus on making things right with my wife, instead of focusing on being right). Being members of the church, “. . . the pillar and ground of the truth (1 Tim 3:15),” has kept us in a place where God can grow us and mature us as we are led and held accountable to the things He teaches us.
This all starts with our salvation. Just like the time when I had to choose between getting married and making things right in God’s eyes, or continuing to live a life in sin, we all must choose between believing the gospel and allowing Jesus to make things right in God’s eyes and take the penalty for our sins (Rom 3:23, 6:23), or continuing to live in sin and be separated from God for eternity (Isa 59:2). If you have never believed on the gospel, “[3]. . . that Jesus Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; [4] And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures: (1 Cor 15:3-4),” then I want to invite you to seriously consider this today. It is a decision that will change the outcome of the rest of your life, not just your marriage.
Through all of this, we can know that God loves us and has not left us in the dark about how this life works, especially something as important as marriage. The Bible gives true instructions for fixing things, and I’ve realized that there are less things that need fixing when I just follow God’s ways. It turns out, I like reading more than I like picture books now (even though picture books are still pretty great), and the best book in the world to read on how things work is the Bible! Through God’s word, Spirit, church, and much grace, I’ve been happily married for over 5 years now and have grown a lot through it. May we all allow God to lead us in our marriages, and may they bring glory to Him as we live according to His instructions.
Mark Rhodes, along with his wife, is a leader of LIFE Fellowship, where he leads worship and coordinates services. He also leads a Bible study and serves as administrator of the LIFE|Line ministry.
LIFE|Line is a ministry of LIFE Fellowship, a fellowship of Midtown Baptist Temple.
