Marriage: A Wife’s Perspective
The first wedding I recall going to was when I was about 7 years old. I was almost as excited as the bride, because I got to be one of the flower girls. I recall the excitement, nerves, and glamor from that day. Sadly, that is not what comes to mind when I think of this couple now. Instead, I think of fights, struggles, and discontentment. This seemed to be the norm in the marriages I saw early on in life. Thankfully, my perspective has changed as I’ve learned what the Bible says about marriage, and it is quite different from the way the world, movies, and fairytales present it.
In the two previous blog posts, Marriage: Getting a Proper Framework and Marriage on the Rock, Pastor Kenny Morgan gives a biblical perspective on marriage and the foundational truths that help to create and continue a marriage that lasts a lifetime. If you haven’t had the chance to read the last two blogs, I strongly encourage you to do so.
“Even on my worst day, when it feels like I am doing everything wrong, even then, He chooses to be committed to me.”
Reflecting on the Biblical perspective of marriage, I realized that doing marriage God’s way eliminates the need to fear. Fears like “Should I really get married?" "Will this marriage actually work?" "Will I be taken advantage of if I submit?” There are so many other fears that can overwhelm our minds when contemplating marriage. However, it is amazing how, with God, all fear ceases. This is because God is love (1 Jo 4:8), and perfect love casts out fear (1 Jo 4:18).
Starting with salvation, I no longer need to fear what happens after death. God made a way for me to have eternal life through his Son, Jesus Christ, who has defeated sin and death (1 Co 15: 55-57). By believing in my heart and confessing that God sent Jesus Christ to live the perfect life that I could never live, sacrifice himself on the cross for my sins, and rise from the grave on the third day (Rom 10:9), I can now have peace with God and peace about what happens after death.
The question “Should I really get married?” was one I feared because I truly didn’t know. I wasn’t seeking daily guidance and intimacy with the Lord so I could confidently answer that. I feared that I wouldn’t be able to commit to one person for the rest of my life. I feared failing at a marriage that could end in divorce. However, not only did God give me peace and make it crystal clear that Mark and I needed to get married, He showed me that through Him all things are possible; and that includes commitment.
As I’ve grown in marriage and my walk with the Lord, I’ve realized that commitment is the foundation to a successful relationship. God is committed to us, and he reinforces this through his Word in passages like Romans 8:38-39, which states that nothing will be able to separate us from the love of God. Even on my worst day, when it feels like I am doing everything wrong, even then, He chooses to be committed to me. By experiencing God’s relentless love and commitment towards me, it has given me new hope for a lifelong marriage; even when Mark or I mess up.
Another big fear was “If I start implementing what the Bible says a wife's role is, will I be taken advantage of?” This one was a real struggle for me. I feared that if I humbled and submitted myself to my husband, then he would see weakness in me that would give him permission to abuse or take advantage of me. I learned (and am still learning) to trust God. Meaning, even if what I feared came true, God would protect me and never forsake me (Psa 18:2). And, ironically enough, I couldn’t have been more wrong in what I feared! God has given me a husband that is gentle and cares to lead and treat me the way God instructs him to. Through this, God showed me that being submitted to my husband is not about being a sub-class citizen, like the world portrays. Instead, it’s about following the God-given roles in marriage so that we can work together. In this, there is protection and comfort. Speaking from experience, forcing my will or my way has only resulted in disaster and contention. Now, I’ve come to enjoy assisting with things like the decision-making process, rather than making decisions on my own and bearing the weight of the outcome and consequences.
With these newfound truths, I was able to conclude that the marriages I saw as a child were so dysfunctional because their foundation was not on the Rock of Jesus Christ, and they were not rooted in biblical instruction. At first this came as a shock, as these were couples that I knew from church. However, having Christ at the center of our marriage isn’t about attending service once a week, it is about following and continuing in His commandments daily. Now, this is something I have far from mastered, but I thank God that He has opened my eyes to see this, and desire a marriage truly founded on Christ. It is only by His grace that Mark and I recently celebrated five years of marriage. I hope this is an encouragement to you, whether you are single and hoping to get married, you are married and in need of some changes in your marriage, or your marriage is great, and you can see God’s goodness in it.
Karla Rhodes and her husband Mark lead a Bible study at Midtown Baptist Temple. Karla is a leader in LIFE Fellowship, where she serves in the Connections and Outreach Ministry.
LIFE|Line is a ministry of LIFE Fellowship, a fellowship of Midtown Baptist Temple.