Marriage on the Rock!

In 27 AD, the Fidenae Amphitheater was built near Rome for spectators to watch the gladiator games.  But the venue was hastily and cheaply built to meet a deadline.  So, when 50,000 spectators assembled to watch the games in the newly built amphitheater, the structure collapsed, which left thousands either dead or maimed.  To date, it is the worst disaster in stadium history.  Historians have pointed out that the first error was that a sturdy foundation was not laid for the structure.      

In speaking about the importance of listening to and obeying His sayings, Jesus likens the person who does listen and obey to someone who is wise and builds their house upon a rock.  But the person who chooses not to listen to His sayings, He likens to someone who is foolish and builds their house on sand.  Both would face storms, but the outcome would be significantly different.  A rock represents a firm foundation; sand does not.  So, when the storms came, the house that was built on the rock was left standing.  But the house that was built on sand experienced a great fall (Matt 7:24-27).       

I have yet to meet anyone who entered marriage hoping for a dreadful and bitter experience.  On the contrary, people meet, begin dating, and discover that they want to spend the rest of their lives together.  Subconsciously, it is assumed that the good feelings, experiences, and sense of deep connection, will naturally continue in and throughout their marriage.  But as it always does, reality surfaces, and with it comes the challenges and hurdles that every married couple faces.  Even the best marriages face the challenge of maintaining the good feelings, experiences, and sense of deep connection that was experienced during the dating and engagement season before marriage.  The question we want to address in this blog post is, “How do we recapture and maintain that in marriage?”   

1. Build your marriage on the Rock!

   1 Cor 10:4 And did all drink the same spiritual drink: for they drank of that spiritual Rock that followed them: and that Rock was Christ. 

   To punctuate the truth regarding His Deity (God in the flesh), Jesus said that Moses wrote of Him (John 5:46).  The rock that provided water for Israel in the Old Testament was a picture of the Rock (Exo 17:6), Christ, who because He is God, was also with them.  So, building a marriage on the Rock begins with a personal relationship with Christ, the Rock.  

   The gospel is much more than a fairy tale or a cute story for children in Sunday School.  It is also much more than the typical minutiae of religion.  In the gospel, we discover the greatest expression of love in the history of mankind, and we also identify the answer to the greatest dilemma of mankind: sin.  Moved by love and grace, God became man in the person of Jesus Christ, died for the sins of humanity, was buried, and rose again on the third day according to the Scriptures.  In doing so, a bridge was extended from God to mankind to enter an eternal relationship with Him: 

   John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.  

   Rom 10:9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead,
   thou shalt be saved.  

   Rom 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.  

   Eph 2:8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: 9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.  

   The way to an eternal relationship with God is not found in a certain religious denomination or through a certain number of good deeds.  It is only by confessing with your mouth and believing in your heart that Jesus Christ died for your sins, was buried, and rose again on the third day according to the Scriptures.  If you have never had that conversation with God, this is the perfect time to confess that belief with your mouth from your heart to Him in prayer! 

   From there, it is as critical to further recognize the identity of Christ, the Rock: 

   John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  

   John 1:14 And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,)
   full of grace and truth.  

   Jesus was the literal embodiment of God and His Word, and when He ascended to God after His glorious resurrection, He replaced Himself with three things: 

   • The Word of God.

   • The Holy Spirit.

   • The Church.

   A marriage that is built on the Rock will rest on these three things.  And when that is true, spouses will embrace the word of God as their essential sustenance (Matt 4:4); they will esteem it as their final authority regarding everything (Psa 19:7-8, 119:128); they will walk in the Spirit of God, which indwells them as believers (Gal 5:16-23; Eph 1:13); and they will faithfully be a part of a New Testament local church (1 Tim 3:15; Heb 10:25). 

   Disregarding this leads to building your marriage on sand and according to Jesus, that will lead to a disastrous outcome (Matt 7:24-27).  

2. Learn and embrace the truth regarding fulfillment.

   Psa 107:8 Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men! 9 For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.  

   One of the most recognized movie lines is from the film, Jerry Maguire.  In the film, Jerry (Tom Cruise), says to Dorothy (Renee Zellweger), “You complete me.” 

   More than a few people struggle with separating truth from fiction.  A hard truth that I had to learn and embrace in marriage was, that my wife cannot satisfy and fulfill me.  And if that is true, she certainly cannot complete me.  Satisfaction and fulfillment are only found in God and marriage is positioned for failure when spouses look to one another for satisfaction and fulfillment.  

   In learning and embracing this in marriage, we come to discover a game-changing truth: marriage is incredibly enjoyable when we are enjoying God.  

   The Scriptures teach that God is our portion (Psa 16:5, 73:26, 119:57).  This means that anything we could ever desire or need is found in Him alone.  Therefore, if we have God, we have everything.  This frees us from looking to our spouse for satisfaction and fulfillment and it positions our marriage to thrive. 

   The key to learning how to enjoy God is walking with Him through His word in the power of His Spirit in the context of the local church.

3. Be Christlike.

   Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.  

   The Scriptures have a lot more to say about marriage than what we find here.  But if spouses adhered to these three things alone, they would find marriage to be very enjoyable: 

   • And be ye kind one to another. . .

   To be kind is to choose to be a blessing to someone else. A marriage that is very enjoyable consists of a husband and a wife who take an “unconditional”
   approach to be kind to one another. 

   • tenderhearted. . .

     A tenderhearted person is sympathetic and compassionate toward others. In marriage, tenderheartedness is felt by our spouse when we are sensitive to and identify with their hurts, setbacks, and disappointments in life. Great damage is done in marriage when our spouse is hurting, and our disposition seems cold and callused.

   • forgiving one another. . .

     Regardless of the couple, marriage is the union of two very imperfect people. We should also reconcile that it is “impossible” to go through life without having to forgive others and having to be forgiven by others.  

     Unforgiveness is a poison that cripples many marriages, and it is rooted in pride and hypocrisy. No one can be saved without being forgiven a great debt by Christ, so to take a position of unforgiveness toward others is to essentially say that we are worthy of being forgiven but they are not. Jesus emphatically points out that to be forgiven a great debt to only turn around and be unwilling to forgive is wicked (Matt 18:23-35). 

     As I approach twenty years of marriage, the command from Jesus to Peter to forgive his brother seventy times seven resonates very well (Matt 18:21-22). Over the lifetime of a marriage, the need for spouses to forgive one another will not be occasional. But spouses who refuse to forgive, exempt themselves from being kind and tenderhearted in marriage, which steers their marriage to an unhealthy place and increases the potential for divorce.

Jesus says that without Him, we can do nothing (John 15:5).  This includes marriage.  With that being true, the best gift that spouses can give to their marriage is to make Jesus Christ the centerpiece of it.  

If you have any questions or would like to meet with Kenny to follow up on the blog posts regarding marriage, please do not hesitate to contact him:  

kmorgan@mbtkc.org
913-235-4902 (cell)

Kenny Morgan is an Associate Pastor of Midtown Baptist Temple. He is the pastor of the discipleship ministry and also oversees the Connections and LIFE Fellowship ministries.

LIFE|Line is a ministry of Life Fellowship, a fellowship of Midtown Baptist Temple.